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Harvey Norman declares bankruptcy after going whole month without government handout



Qantas hit with further scandal after passenger discovers $50 million worth of lettuce in boogie board bag



Struggling young people encouraged to just cut back on food, housing, electricity, transport…



“No corruption in Barilaro’s appointment” declares new head of ICAC John Barilaro



Cost blowout explained by NSW Govt accidentally approving 25 million new flags on Harbour Bridge



Awkward: 60 children dead after Qantas forgets to collect youth choir



Kmart finally convince conspiracy theorists to wear masks by introducing face tracking in all stores



Electricity crisis solved after scientists harness energy from Sydney Morning Herald’s frantic backpedalling



‘We’d never hire someone who’d incite a riot’ claims news network that hired Alan Jones



Local woman rushes to date man who shouted compliment from moving vehicle



Sydney house prices hit new high as inner city terrace sells for 3 iceberg lettuce



Russian military apologize for blowing up strategic Ukrainian military base after missing nearby pre-school



Public confused after government doesn’t respond to cost of living issues by bullying trans kids



Boris Johnson says he’ll bring the booze after being told there’ll be a party room meeting



Newly homeless Scott Morrison demands to know which idiot let housing get so expensive



Tony Abbott confused after learning Minister for Women role went to a woman for some reason



Jobless man mooches off public housing



Following leadership spill, Barnaby Joyce announces plan to spend more time with his families



Public reminded not to make offensive jokes about man who laughed at sinking islands



Australia and China restore relationship, bonding over shared hatred of Scott Morrison



Unemployment skyrockets as hairdresser, welder, bulldozer and coal lobbyist all lose job in one night



Celebration in street as Australia marks never having to hear ‘There’s A Hole In Your Budget’ song ever again



Morrison reassures colleagues he has secured 10 million votes to be delivered by 2023



Pauline Hanson quits parliament after hearing it will be run by a minority



BREAKING: Rupert Murdoch has lost the Australian Federal Election



Daily Telegraph slams Labor for $6 trillion deficit



Morrison glad to finally get a chance to take a vacation



Julia Gillard launches spill motion against Anthony Albanese



Sausage sanga wins election again



Loose Unit Albo spends election eve doing donuts outside ScoMo’s house



Parents name new-born twins “Corruption” and “Climate Change” to stop ScoMo tackling them before 2050



Albanese responds to Morrison tackle by king hitting nearest child



“Trans people are a threat to children’s sport” claims man who decked child in non contact sport



Dutton distracts himself from the pain of losing his defamation suit by drowning some puppies



Scott Morrison blames Labor for Scott Morrison



“I can change” says guy who slammed Albo for changing too much



‘We can’t afford to raise the minimum wage’ says PM who spent $80m on water that doesn’t exist



Pauline Hanson quits One Nation after being told they’re a minority party



‘Minority governments will get nothing done’ claims government that has done nothing for 3 years



“I’m not transphobic, I just don’t like trans people” explains Katherine Deves



Blokes from Lego Masters dubbed prefered PMs following last night’s Channel 9 debate



Factcheck: PM’s claim he’s ‘seen no corruption’ is true, as he burned out his retinas pretending to be a welder



The Chaser Interns Investigate The United Australia Party



PM avoids forgetting policy details by cleverly having no policies



Independents will cause instability warns government who’s had three different leaders



Guy who miscounted $60 billion reckons he has the numbers to win his seat



Scott Morrison denies texting during ANZAC service – “I was playing Angry Birds”



“Social media sites shouldn’t moderate posts” says pig fondler Elon Musk



Following backlash Morrison reveals he is also part of the disability community – “I was born without a heart”



“I will not allow critics to silence Deves’ views” rages man who had her delete all her posts two weeks ago



Scientists confirm making noises into a fan more entertaining than 90% of free-to-air TV



“You can’t trust Albo to stop the boats” claims mob that stuffed up the Ruby Princess



Party that had a full year of sexual harassment controversies claims trans athletes are a threat to women



Government with extensive history of corruption surprisingly not keen on corruption watchdog



Greens leader demonstrates commitment to media being publicly owned



Public disgusted opposition leader whose name they can’t remember doesn’t remember the unemployment rate



PM of country where grocery prices have doubled in a year pretty sure biggest issue right now is trans people in sport



Latest polling data suggests Scott Morrison is trailing in popularity to Morbius on a two party preferred basis



Scott Morrison explains he cant call the election because Rupert still hasn’t decided which party will win yet



“Please, just one fucking good week” nation begs universe