The national broadcaster has activated emergency mourning protocols today following reports that rapper Coolio has died at age 59. Black ties were distributed to staff, and all comedy programming has been placed on indefinite hold in order to honour the memory of the beloved entertainer.
ABC newscasters have already begun the grueling task of lining up interviews with anyone who has ever bought a Coolio album, heard ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’ on the radio, or just enjoyed ‘Amish Paradise’ by Weird Al.
The Daily Mail has also begun their 12 day wall-to-wall coverage of Meghan Markle’s body language following Coolios death, while Piers Morgan has already accused Markle of murdering Coolio.
Update: Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has announced that the Mabo Legal Centre will now be renamed ‘Coolioland’ in honour of the late rapper’s legacy